S T O R I E S

How to Get Girls

George Fontana, co. founder of the Rainbow Suspenders Company has just released a new book entitled The Sure Fire Way to Get Girls. The book tells how to get girls to like you in 5 easy steps. Mr. Fontana claims that he has actually never had a girlfriend, but he swears that his methods never fail. In chapter 1 he describes how to get the girls attention. Here is what he advises in the book:
Once you have chosen the girl you want, you have to get her attention. Let her know that you exist. The quickest, most effective way to do this is to scare the heck out of her. The picture [below] is of me in my supplementary high school education class. I had my eye set on a girl named Betty. So I constructed a hideous creature, made from my dead cat, a monkey, a fish, and my midget Grandmother's skull. Boy was Betty surprised when I shoved my creation in her face! The picture doesn't do her justice. It was great!

George's next few steps include showing off, passing gas and taking the credit, and having your mother drop you off at your school dances so that she can see what a cool car you ride in. George's book has sold only one copy since it's release 2 days ago.